


In Midnights, In Cups of Coffee

by starzinoureyes



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Affectionate Insults, Connor Murphy Lives (Dear Evan Hansen), Enemies to Friends, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Gen, Jared Kleinman Being an Asshole, Jared Kleinman Is Bad at Feelings, Late Night Conversations, M/M, Platonic Relationships, Slow Burn, but connor kinda likes him anyways, jared and connor say fuck a lot is why its rated teen lol, jared is super lonely but will never admit it, jared says he doesnt care when in fact he very much cares, kinda one-sided crush? for now at least
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-05
Updated: 2020-01-05
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:08:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22128469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starzinoureyes/pseuds/starzinoureyes
Summary: “You’re a dick,” Connor stated simply.“So are you,” Jared replied.“I don’t like you.”“I don’t like you either.”“You don’t even know me.”Jared hated Connor, and Connor seemed to hate him right back.  Until somehow...
Relationships: Evan Hansen & Connor Murphy, Evan Hansen & Jared Kleinman, Evan Hansen & Jared Kleinman & Connor Murphy, Jared Kleinman & Connor Murphy, Jared Kleinman/Connor Murphy
Comments: 12
Kudos: 67





	In Midnights, In Cups of Coffee

**Author's Note:**

> OKAY SO this is a prompt for for the sincerely-us secret santa exchange on tumblr! I had pirefoxx and the prompts I got were: Prompt #1: Jared, Connor, and Evan just having a good, not suicidal, time. Maybe in a park or the orchard. I just want my boys to be happy and Prompt #2: Connor and Jared being total tsunderes around eachother, (because we all know that's how they'd act.)
> 
> I kinda ended up doing a combo of the two and it got way out of hand to the point where I literally had to pick a stopping point just to make sure I had this done in time. The promts didn't specify romantic or platonic, so i tried to keep it vague (for now) but if you're looking its very much *there*
> 
> Hope this is what you were looking for!
> 
> this was edited, but it was both written and edited primarily after midnight so apologies for any remaining mistakes. title comes from seasons of love from rent.

Jared tapped his fingers against the steering wheel impatiently as he waited for Evan to get out of school. The other boy almost always beat him out to the car, so Jared wasn’t used to waiting on the days he drove Evan home. It had only been a few minutes since the final bell, but Jared was already wondering what the hell could possibly be keeping him.

He was just about to text—not irritated, just a little worried, not that he’d ever admit it—when he finally caught a glimpse of a familiar blue polo emerging from the front doors of the school. Relieved, Jared reverted to his usual snark and rolled down the window to call to Evan as he approached.

“I thought you were dead or something!” he shouted, probably a bit too loud given how close the other boy was now. Evan stumbled a little bit, as though Jared’s words—or tone, more likely—physically shoved him, but corrected himself and glanced hesitantly over his shoulder.

It was then that Jared noticed the other person following Evan towards the car, and his smirk turned into a glare.

“And what the fuck do you think you’re doing?” he snapped. Connor Murphy narrowed his eyes in exchange, and opened his mouth like he was going to respond, but Evan beat him to it.

“Oh! H-he’s, um, I said, I o-offered him a ride. Home. If-if it’s okay, with you. Obviously. You can just-just drop him off at mine, actually, we were gonna, you could stay too, if you wanted, but I just thought—”

“Just get in the car,” Jared sighed, deciding to put the poor kid out of his misery. Driving Evan home was mostly just a favor to Evan’s mom, and a way to keep his parents off his back about sitting in his room on his computer by himself instead of socializing with the friends he  _ swore _ he had. But he hadn’t signed up to be a chauffeur for Evan’s playdates or whatever the fuck he was doing with Connor Murphy of all people. And it wasn’t like he could just tell them to go away and find their own ride, because Jared might have been a dick but when it came down to it he hated confrontation and was pretty sure that Murphy could beat him up in about ten seconds if he wanted to. Hell,  _ Evan  _ could probably beat him up if he ever wanted to. (Jared didn’t think it would ever come to that, but the possibility was there).

The drive was uncomfortably quiet, Evan apparently not having put much thought into what happened once Connor was in the car with them. Usually Jared would feel compelled to say something—anything—to break the tension, but for once he had nothing to say. Besides, it wasn’t really his job to make this more comfortable, he wasn’t the one who had suggested getting all buddy-buddy with the creepiest guy in school. Or whatever the fuck Evan was doing.

Since he had yet to be given other instructions, Jared drove his regular route towards Evan’s house and hoped that Connor truly would be getting out there, because the last thing he wanted was to be trapped in a vehicle with the other boy for any length of time, especially with no witnesses. For all Jared knew, Connor would pretend to give him directions to his house but actually take him to some abandoned road to feast on his heart or whatever the fuck vampires did. Jared didn’t want to take any chances.

Fortunately, when Jared pulled up to the familiar one-story off-white house, both of his passengers unbuckled their seatbelts. Connor climbed wordlessly from the car while Evan stuttered out his thanks that Jared brushed off with a wave of his hand.

“It’s whatever. Let me know if you need a ride tomorrow,” he replied, doing his best to demonstrate indifference with his voice, because he honestly couldn’t care less about driving Evan to and from school. It was just another thing he did.

“You sure you don’t want to come in for a bit?” Evan asked again. Jared looked from Evan’s hopeful face to the scowling face of Connor Murphy, who raised a challenging eyebrow when he caught Jared’s eyes. Jared tried to glare back, to show that Connor should be afraid of  _ him _ , but he ended up just looking back at Evan and shifting his face back into a casual smirk.

“Nah, got better things to do,” he lied. “Seeya.” He glanced towards Connor again. The other boy was still watching him, but his expression was blank, like he wasn’t looking  _ at _ Jared so much as looking at the space Jared happened to be occupying. It was fucking weird, is what it was. So Jared decided to voice his thoughts, the metal of the car door providing a barrier of safety as he snarked, “later, freak,” before rolling up the window and backing out of the driveway. The way Connor’s fists clenched at the insult should not have been as satisfying as it was.

\--

Evan didn’t text him about a ride for the rest of the week, and Jared tried not to wonder why. It was hardly unusual, he really didn’t give Evan rides  _ that  _ often. Sometimes Evan’s mom would be able to pick him up between work and her night classes, sometimes he would take the bus, sometimes he would just decide to walk the almost two miles between the school and his house. Jared thought that was pretty dumb, but then again he thought a lot of things Evan did were pretty dumb, so it wasn’t like he was surpriesed. 

For example, Evan seemed to be spending actual time with Connor Murphy these days. It still looked to be wildly uncomfortable for both of them, but Jared had caught them eating lunch at the same table—not talking, not even looking at each other, but sitting in close enough proximity that it had to have been intentional—on a couple occasions since their car ride, and had even noticed them walking out of school together on Wednesday, towards another car in the parking lot that Jared knew did not belong to Evan’s mom.

It was fine though, Jared really didn’t care what Evan got up to. Not only was it not his job to care, but he had more important things to be concerned with anyways. (That was a lie. Jared’s entire life currently consisted of college applications and trying to figure out if he could hack NASA from his room. Results thus far had been inconclusive.)

It actually wasn’t until two weeks later that Evan approached him again, which Jared was pretty impressed with, honestly. Two weeks had to be some sort of record.

He was on his way to study hall, debating the merits of hijacking the school’s loudspeaker to blast  _ Who Let the Dogs Out? _ in the middle of the period when he knew for a fact he’d get busted, when he was stopped by a tug on his backpack. Jared turned around, ready to give whoever it was a piece of his mind, when he came face-to-face (sort of...Evan still had quite a few inches on him) with honestly the only person he should have expected to try to get his attention by gently tugging on his backpack.

“Can I help you?” Jared asked. Evan shuffled his feet a little bit, looking around at the people in the halls surrounding them as he tried to formulate a response. Jared had done this enough to know that he should wait for Evan to speak, that trying to prompt him again would only spook the other boy into losing his train of thought which in turn would cause him to start freaking out which would cause a scene and neither of them wanted that to happen. So Jared waited.

“So, um, Connor—Connor Murphy—and I were gonna go catch a movie after school today. You should come, if you wanted. I mean, I know we’re just like...family friends but I think it would be fun, and like, Connor’s actually pretty cool? And, I don’t know, I think you guys would get along, maybe, if you wanted to—”

“Yeah, fine, whatever,” Jared cut him off. “But if you say anything about the Lego Movie…”

“Actually we were thinking Spiderman?” Evan responded. “Connor hasn’t seen it yet, so…”

“Acceptable,” Jared agreed. It was actually more than acceptable, Jared fucking loved Spiderman, but he didn’t need anyone—Evan, or anyone else—thinking he was looking forward to spending an afternoon with these losers. He wasn’t. He had just finished all his college application essays and now had nothing better to do on a Friday night.

“Great! Great, so, meet you after school?”

“I’m driving,” Jared said in response, realizing as he said it that that was probably the only reason he had been invited to begin with. Whatever, it didn’t make a difference to him.

“Your car then?”

“Fine. Later.”

Jared had so many questions, most of them regarding when Connor and Evan had actually spoken enough to figure out what movies Connor hadn’t seen yet. That sounded an awful lot like small talk, which Jared happened to know Evan hated. Come to think of it, Jared still had no idea how they had gotten from the heated exchange in the hallway—one which Jared had admittedly started himself, with the school shooter comment—to them being all buddy-buddy and hanging out after school and apparently going to the movies. For two people who had never had friends in their lives—Jared couldn’t quite speak for Connor, but he happened to know that any social interaction Evan had was either arranged by school or his mom—they were sure spending a lot of time together.

So just like the other week, Jared found himself waiting in his car after school, except this time he already knew that Evan wouldn’t be alone when he finally made his way through the front doors. Connor looked as miserable as always, and Jared wondered if he even wanted to see this movie at all, or if he was just doing it to humor Evan. That would be one thing they had in common, at least.

Jared had Evan direct them to the movie theater, even though he already knew where it was, just so that the car ride wouldn’t be as silent as last time. Jared didn’t like awkward silences, that was usually when he tended to make an ass out of himself. Not that he couldn’t make an ass out of himself at any given moment, but dealing with silence was definitely not a strength of his. Unluckily for him, it seemed like awkward silence was going to be a staple with this group, because Evan really didn’t know how to make small talk and Connor hadn’t said more than two words in both times he’d been in Jared’s car and Jared didn’t particularly want to talk to either of them and really, none of them had anything to say to each other. They were all different people. They had nothing in common, or else they’d have been friends by now. 

This was truly about to be the most painful afternoon of his life.

Jared bought their tickets, because Evan was too nervous to talk to the person at the counter and Connor would probably just scare the poor workers (Jared assumed, he had never really seen Connor interact with anyone outside of school). It was a bit concerning that Jared ended up the most socially capable of their group. He seriously hoped that this didn’t become a regular occurrence. 

They found their seats, with Evan between the other two, and Jared checked his phone. Fuck. They still had twenty minutes before the movie was scheduled to start. He opened candy crush just for something to occupy himself, or to save himself from another round of awkward silence. From the corner of his eye, Jared noticed the other two also busy on their phones, typing away as though they were texting someone. Jared wondered if they were texting each other. He realized they very well might have been. After all, apparently they talked all the time when he wasn’t around. He was beginning to feel very much as though his presence here wasn’t required (or desired), like he was just the chaperone brought along to drive and talk to people on their behalf.

Just when he was about to get up and go sit somewhere else, Evan locked his phone and shot up so quickly Jared worried there was something wrong, until Evan mumbled about going to the bathroom and suddenly Jared’s worst-case scenario had come to be: he was alone with Connor Murphy.

He glanced at Connor without looking up from his phone and noticed the other boy already watching him. “Can I help you?” Jared huffed, turning his head to level Connor with a glare that he hoped was at least a little bit threatening.

“You’re a dick,” Connor stated simply.

“So are you,” Jared replied.

“I don’t like you.”

“I don’t like you either.”

“You don’t even know me.”

“Well it looks like we’ve got a lot in common,” Jared snarked, and Connor rolled his eyes.

“I’m only a dick to you because you were one to me first,” Connor informed him.

“First of all, I don’t think that’s true,” Jared argued, “and even if it is, I’m a dick to everyone. You’re not special.”

“Gee, thanks,” Connor huffed.

“Why the fuck are you even talking to me?”

“You talked to me first?”

“Right, well, that’s done now.”

“Fine.”

“And I only said something because you were staring at me,” Jared added. “That’s super creepy. So like...cut that out too.”

“As you wish, your highness,” Connor snipped back, turning to face front and unlocking his phone again. He started texting right away and Jared assumed he was texting Evan. Whatever. Better than continue to bother him.

\--

Jared really,  _ really _ wished that Evan would stop inviting him to things. After the awkward afternoon at the movies, Evan had started seeking Jared out almost every day to do something or other. More often than not he turned the invitations down, because he didn’t really want to go and he knew Evan was only asking him out of some twisted sense of obligation that if he was going to be friends with anyone he had to be friends with Jared too because of their history. But Jared couldn’t always decline because his mom still talked to Evan’s mom and if she found out that Jared kept blowing off his only companion, Jared wouldn’t hear the end of it for a long time.

Which also meant he saw more of Connor Murphy than he had ever wanted to.

Apparently, Connor and Evan were attached at the hip these days, which was weird on so many levels that Jared wouldn’t even begin to contemplate. Any time he gave Evan a ride home from school, Connor was there too. Any time he went over to Evan’s to play video games on a Saturday afternoon, Connor was already there. Any time Evan asked him if he wanted to get dinner, Connor tagged along. It was like Connor suffered from the same lack of other obligations that Evan did, and Jared was almost curious to know what Connor’s family thought about him suddenly being absent from the house so often. He imagined it was even more shocking to them than it was to him.

It was hard to get used to the other boy’s presence, because no matter how often he was around, Jared could never quite shake the feeling that someone was lurking, just watching from the edges. Connor rarely inserted himself into Jared and Evan’s interactions, leaving Jared wondering why Evan kept inviting him places if it just made one of them feel left out. Like, at the very least if Jared stayed home he could pretend that it was his own choice.

The most uncomfortable moments were the ones where Evan would leave the room for some reason, leaving Connor and Jared to stare at each other in silence for minutes at a time. They very rarely attempted conversation, after their failed attempt at the movies that one time. They just didn’t get along, plain and simple. Jared hated Connor, and Connor seemed to hate him right back. They could pretend to be civil for Evan’s sake, but Jared didn’t see them ever becoming friends. Not that Evan could really be considered his friend, either. Maybe Jared just wasn’t the kind of person to have friends. Like Alana. What did she keep calling them? Acquaintances. That was what Jared had. People from camp that he would hang out with for eight weeks in the summer and then not see again until the next June. People from school that he could sit near at lunch and make casual conversation. Maybe a few people to text for homework answers. Evan. 

One good thing, though, was that Evan seemed to be getting better at talking like a normal person. When they were alone, he could usually carry on a conversation without getting flustered and often drove the topics himself with minimal input from Jared or Connor (who still had barely said more than ten words in Jared’s presence this entire time). It reminded Jared of the Evan he had been sort-of friends with back in elementary school, before the anxiety had become too much, before Jared tried to pretend like he was “exploring other options” friendship-wise. It had been easier back then. Jared doubted they could ever go back to that—especially not with Connor now somehow a part of the equation—but this was certainly the closest they’d been in years. It didn’t really feel like a lie anymore when he told his parents he was being social.  _ Friends _ still seemed like a bit of an overstatement, but one step at a time, right?

Evan even started asking Jared to join them at lunch, but Jared continued to come up with excuses for why he couldn’t. He wasn’t ashamed of Evan, not really. Like, he kind of was? But it wasn’t like he had a reputation of his own to ruin. He had no reputation. And that was okay with him. But his lack of reputation was better than “that nerd with glasses who hangs out with the stoner and the kid who freaks out when you talk to him”. It was just self defense. High school was survival of the fittest, right? Jared just wanted to survive.

As a result, their interactions at school remained pretty minimal. Jared continued to sit at the end of whatever lunch table had room, while occasionally spotting Evan and Connor on the other side of the room, sitting in silence like always. They weren’t there every day, though, and Jared tried not to wonder where they went on those days. Because he didn’t care, obviously. 

Jared basically just tried to keep his head down. Slide through the year unnoticed. Wait until college to try to make his mark on anything. He’d done it for three years so far, and his strategy was working brilliantly. No reason to go changing things now.

Until one day as he strode to his locker at the end of the day, a commotion at the other end of the hall caught his attention. Jared glanced over as casually as he could. It was probably nothing, groups of students gathered for no reason all the time. Except in the middle of it all, Jared definitely caught a glimpse of black on black on black that could only be one person.

So Jared had a decision to make. He had walked by things like this so many times that doing so once more wouldn’t really weigh on his conscience. Jared knew he wasn’t a good person. He could probably give more examples of when he had acted like an asshole than when he had done the right thing. Keep his head down. That was what he wanted to do, what his every instinct told him to do. Just walk past. Pretend he hadn’t even noticed. No one would know the difference, and it wasn’t like he cared what Connor Murphy thought of him anyways. It would be so easy.

Which was why he was as confused as anyone when he found his feet carrying him towards the crowd rather than away. He saw the shock register on Connor’s face as he shouldered his way through the people who had the other boy cornered against some lockers. Jared couldn’t blame him.

He hardly recognized his own voice as he inserted a cheerful, “what’s going on over here, guys?” looking around the group as confidently as possible. They were all people from his grade, he knew, but he couldn’t put names to the faces. One of them might have been named Mike? Or Brad? Or something equally douchey, probably. He didn’t care. 

“The fuck are you doing, Kleinman?” one of them asked, and Jared barely registered surprise that any of them actually knew who he was. Though to be fair, it wasn’t like he was quiet. He wasn’t Evan. People knew him, they just didn’t care.

“I think I asked you first,” Jared returned, positioning himself in front of Connor so that he was facing the aggressors. It would probably be comical to anyone walking by. Jared wasn’t tall by any means, and there were at least five guys on the other side, any one of whom could crush him with one hand. Jared had no desire to get beat up, that was why he usually ran. He should be running right now. Connor should be running too, actually. What the hell were they even doing?

But apparently, the bullies didn’t even find them worth it, because with a few smirks thrown between them they were gone. Not retreating, almost like they had plans to come back later. Like they knew something Jared didn’t. Which was probably true. But, his good samaritan-like mission had been achieved; Connor was no longer surrounded by threatening classmates. 

Jared threw a nod over his shoulder, ready for that to be the end of it, but he was surprised by a gentle tug on his backpack—was that just how socially awkward people got someone’s attention?—and turned to find Connor looking at him as honestly as Jared had ever seen him look.

“Thank you,” the other boy whispered, so quiet that Jared would have missed it had he been standing more than a few inches away.

“Yeah, s’whatever,” Jared brushed off as casually as he could, pulling away from Connor’s grasp. The other boy let him go, and Jared awkwardly put his hands in his pockets, unsure if it was okay to just walk away, or if this required some sort of conversation. Or if Connor cared one way or the other.

Connor appeared to be in the same predicament, mirroring Jared’s stance as he glared at their feet.

“So uhhh…” Jared tried, “you going home with Evan?” 

“No,” Connor answered shortly.

“So do you need a ride?” The offer was out there before Jared was even aware he was giving it. He hadn’t heard from Evan, which usually meant that the other boy’s mom was picking him up. Which meant that he had just proposed one-on-one time with Connor Murphy. And they just didn’t do that.

“I’m okay,” Connor responded, probably thinking along the same lines.

But something kept Jared from dropping the subject. “You sure? I go by your place anyways.”

Maybe seeing Connor as vulnerable as he had looked while surrounded by their—much bigger—classmates had unsettled him, maybe he just wanted to extend his streak of being a good person for as long as possible before doing something to make people hate him again, but he just didn’t feel right leaving Connor to fend for himself. Of course he knew Connor’s sister Zoe drove to school, so Connor wouldn’t  _ really _ be fending for himself. It was completely irrational, and yet.

Connor looked at him curiously from underneath his hair, like he was trying to figure out what Jared was playing at. Like he was worried that Jared had rescued him from bullies just to turn around and do something equally horrible himself. Jared couldn’t quite blame him, but he tried to convey as much honesty as he could without clueing Connor in to the fact that he might care a little bit. Apparently. It was news to him too, actually.

He tried telling himself it was just because he knew Evan would be upset if anything happened to Connor, and his life tended to be easier when Evan wasn’t upset, but Connor finally agreed to the ride and Jared felt himself relax a little bit.

\--

Jared half-expected things to change from that point on, like that single interaction would shift their dynamic somehow, but the next day Connor went back to sitting quietly with Evan while Jared found somewhere else to sit, and when the two boys got in Jared’s car after school, Connor didn’t utter a single word until Jared dropped him at his house. He wondered if Connor had shared with Evan the events of the previous afternoon, but Evan didn’t mention anything either, so Jared found it best not to bring it up. Surely Connor had a reason, and it certainly wasn’t Jared’s place to get involved there.

If Connor wanted to pretend like nothing happened, then that was what they would do. Because it really hadn’t been a big deal, right? Like, honestly, what had actually happened? Jared realized he couldn’t answer that question. He hadn’t even seen enough to really determine what those guys had been saying to Connor before making the decision to step in. He didn’t know if it was a regular thing. Hell, for all he knew they had found Connor again first thing the next morning and Jared’s interference had been pointless.

So really, he had no reason to expect his dynamic with Connor to change. They weren’t friends, he still thought Connor was a creepy loser and Connor still thought he was an obnoxious asshole, and really, neither of them were completely incorrect, were they? That’s just how it was.

But now sometimes it felt more like an understanding between them than a cold animosity. Jared couldn’t quite put his finger on it, because nothing about their interactions—or lack of interaction—was noticeably different. But Connor’s moody glares felt less sharp and Jared threw his insults with less heat behind them and Connor’s reactions were more irritated than genuinely angry. They weren’t friends. They were barely acquaintances. But maybe they weren’t quite enemies? Or maybe Jared was just thinking way too much into this. Probably that.

Evan didn’t seem to notice the difference, though Jared wondered what the other boy actually made of his dynamic with Connor to begin with. Evan had never said anything, to Jared at least, about wanting the two of them to get along. From his perspective, maybe Jared and Connor were already friends. Maybe he’d assumed they had been getting along this entire time, and something as subtle as a shift in their tone around each other wouldn’t come close to registering. That was the problem with this whole “keeping people at a distance” thing that he did. It was hard to get answers to questions you didn’t ask.

In the meantime, Christmas break was fast approaching, which meant that Evan went into a frenzy about final exams, which meant that Jared spent every day after school in the library trying to stop Evan from going into a frenzy about final exams. His life was truly easier when Evan stayed calm. He saw less of Connor in those weeks, not that Jared was really keeping track. Usually it was just himself and Evan when they were studying, and on the few occasions where he managed to convince Evan that it was okay to do something to relax for a bit Connor would join them. 

He never asked why Connor didn’t study with them. Because he didn’t care.

He was sitting in the library one afternoon, doodling on the edges of his calc notebook while Evan actually worked the problems, when his phone buzzed on the table next to him. Evan flinched at the sudden noise, but went right back to what he was doing as Jared checked the message.

_ ask evan what time he wants to have dinner _

It wasn’t a contact Jared had saved in his phone, which meant that it couldn’t have been Evan’s mom—Jared had exchanged numbers with her years ago. 

_ who is this? _

_ it’s connor _

“Did you give Murphy my number?” Jared asked out loud.

“Yes,” Evan replied easily as he continued to work.

“Why?” 

“He asked for it.”

“Why?”

Evan looked up at him. “What do you mean, why? We all hang out all the time, you guys don’t have to go through me to talk.”

“We don’t go through you to talk,” Jared countered. “We don’t talk. In fact, it looks more like he’s trying to get in touch with you. Is your phone off? He wants to know what time you want to have dinner.”

“Oh,” he looked at his watch, not at all phased by the question. “Are you about done? You can tell him to come over at six.”

“Okay, what the  _ fuck _ ?” Jared finally asked.

“What?”

“Why is he coming over for dinner? And why is he asking as though this is something you two do all the time? And why did I not know about it?”

“He comes over sometimes when my mom’s working late. His mom doesn’t allow junk food in the house, and I don’t like talking to the pizza delivery guy,” Evan explains. “Sorry. I guess we...never thought to invite you? Since I know you don’t always like hanging out with us. But you can, if you want. You can come tonight, if you want…”

“I’m good,” Jared responded quickly. “Got a thing I need to do when I get home. You ready?”

Evan nodded and started packing his things as Jared sent a text back to Connor.

_ we’re about done. he says to come over around 6. make sure to use protection. _

Connor didn’t respond again, and if the thing Jared needed to do at home involved watching Gilmore Girls on Netflix while continuing his quest to hack NASA, no one else needed to know.

\--

Jared was sitting in his room again, this time a week into winter break, when his phone buzzed from where he had tossed it in boredom a couple hours ago. Jared’s family celebrated Hanukkah, but only barely. Certainly not in the way many of his peer’s families seemed to celebrate Christmas, with a week of family and festivities. Not that Jared had that many friends to hang out with to begin with, but it was the day after Christmas and he was losing his mind.

Apparently NASA wasn’t so easily hacked, and he was quickly losing interest in his project. Maybe the White House would be easier. Either way, Jared was left alone with nothing to do but mindlessly binge Netflix and pretend that this was exactly how he was choosing to spend his break. So the buzzing of his phone was a welcome distraction.

_ can you come get me? _

_ ev’s with his mom and i don’t wanna bother him _

_ please _

The number wasn’t one that he’d saved in his phone and Jared had to scroll up in the conversation to see the name. Connor Murphy again? What the hell was Connor Murphy doing texting him on December twenty-sixth? Didn’t he have like...family shit or something? 

_ seriously? _

_ i need to get out of here for a bit _

_ please _

Jared sighed. It wasn’t like he had anything else to do, really, and the other boy sounded pretty desperate. So he let Connor know that he’d be there in ten and got dressed for the day (despite it being almost seven at night) and shouted to whoever might be home that he was going out for a bit before closing the door behind him without waiting for a response. 

He knew the way to Connor’s house well by this point, having taken him home more times than he would have believed at the beginning of the year, so it wasn’t long before he was parked at the end of the Murphys’ driveway, which was filled with quite a few more cars than usual. It suddenly made sense, Connor’s urgency to get out of the house. Jared knew what it felt like to be surrounded by overbearing relatives, and if the Murphys were hosting the week it was likely that Connor hadn’t had time to himself since school let out.

Jared had barely put the car in park when the front door swung open and Connor practically ran outside, looking as frantic as Jared had ever seen him as he slammed the door behind him. 

“Just go,” was all he said when he got into the car, and Jared didn’t question it, just backed up and turned down the street.

“Not that it makes a difference,” Jared began, “but is this an authorized jailbreak or am I contributing to your teenage delinquency?”

“I didn’t tell my parents I was leaving, if that’s what you’re asking,” Connor scoffed.

“Exactly what I was asking,” Jared mumbled, then asked a little bit louder, “am I taking you anywhere in particular or am I just supposed to entertain you for the rest of the night?”

“You can drop me at the side of the fucking road for all I care,” Connor grumbled back.

“Don’t tempt me.”

It was too dark and cold to really go anywhere, as far as Jared was concerned, so he just kept driving, vaguely keeping track of where they were as he eventually weaved out of their town and onto the open road.

“This okay?” he asked as he accelerated, the only car to be seen for miles.

Connor just shrugged and grunted noncommittally.

“Wanna listen to music?” Jared tried again. Another shrug. “Look, if you’re gonna drag me from the warmth of my bed to rescue you at a moment’s notice, the very least you could do is like, not be a dick for a couple minutes.”

“Then why the fuck did you come?” Connor snapped. “If it was so inconvenient for you?”

Jared didn’t want to tell Connor that he had nothing better to do, that he had spent the entire week more or less holed up by himself in his room mentally  _ begging _ someone to rescue him, so he stayed quiet.

They continued to ride in silence for a little bit, the numbers on the digital clock telling Jared that it had been over an hour since he’d picked Connor up. They should probably turn around soon, he thought, or at least come up with some sort of game plan. Otherwise he would probably just keep driving until they hit the next state.

“Your parents aren’t going to file some missing person’s case in the time we’re gone, are they?” Jared finally asked.

“What the fuck?”

“Since you didn’t tell them you were leaving,” Jared reminded him. “I dunno, are they gonna freak out and call the police on me or something?”

“Why the fuck would they do that?”

“I don’t know!” Jared exclaimed. “Rich people do dramatic shit when they don’t know what else to do. I just don’t wanna end up on the news or whatever!”

“Then focus on not wrapping your car around a tree and forget about whatever my parents probably aren’t doing,” Connor snapped. “There are like fifty people at my house right now, and I’ve spent half the week in my room anyways. I doubt they’ve even noticed I’m gone.”

“Then why’d you call me if you can just hide in your room?”

Jared’s eyes were still on the road, but he could see Connor shift in the corner of his vision to level Jared with a look of irritation. “Do you know how much noise fifty people can make?” he asked. “Not even my headphones could drown that shit out.”

Fair point.

“So how long do you think you have?” Jared asked.

“Before they notice, or before they care?”

Jared shot him a glare.

“I’ve stayed out all night before without them even realizing I was gone,” Connor revealed. “We should be good for awhile.”

“Well,” Jared sighed, “I’ve been told you like pizza, and I haven’t actually eaten anything today. Wanna go back to mine for a bit?”

“Should at least take me on a date first,” Connor grumbled sarcastically, and Jared reached an arm over to smack him.

“Fine, be that way,” Jared huffed. “I can just drop you back at your house with all your loud relatives and your mom’s vegan food if you’re gonna keep being an ass.”

“No no no! Fine, I’m sorry,” Connor whined through a laugh, and Jared realized that was the first time Connor had ever laughed around him. Huh. That was...something.

Jared pretended not to notice and turned around at the next exit to get them home. He tossed his phone in Connor’s direction and asked the other boy to navigate.

“I can get us home from here,” Connor said, putting Jared’s phone back in the cupholder.

“How do you even know where we are?”

“There’s an abandoned orchard out this way that I used to go to, sometimes, when I needed some space. Then I lost driving privileges and had to resort to calling up my not-so-friendly neighborhood geek whenever I need a quick getaway,” Connor snarked, and Jared slapped him again.

“You’re on thin fucking ice buddy,” Jared warned. “You keep insulting me and I will not hesitate to dump your ass out here in the middle of nowhere.”

“I dare you.”

“Don’t tempt me,” Jared growled again, though he knew the threat was empty. Truthfully, Jared could think of far worse ways to be spending his night, and so far Connor wasn’t turning out to be...horrible company, at least.

He decided to test his luck and turned on the radio. The channel he had been listening to last, apparently, was some Top 40 station, so Jared kept it on that, tapping his fingers against the steering wheel along with the rhythm of the cheesy pop tune. He expected Connor to complain—he had no idea what kind of music the other boy listened to, but he was nearly positive it wasn’t this—but when he glanced to the side, he nearly swerved off the road.

“Are you seriously singing along to Taylor fucking Swift?” Jared asked.

Connor immediately stopped and turned to face the window, his hair preventing Jared from seeing his face. “Fuck off, Zoe plays it like, all the time, s’not my fault it gets stuck in my head,” Connor grumbled.

Jared’s house was exactly as he’d left it, and he decided that his parents must not be home after all. Some holiday party maybe? They had long ago stopped sharing their schedule with him, so he rarely did the same in return. They mostly just co-existed at this point, and Jared honestly liked it better that way. He would lose his mind if his parents were on top of him all the time like some other parents seemed to be.

He poked his head into the kitchen just to make sure, then led Connor back to the living room, somewhere he truthfully hadn’t spent much time lately. But he figured they would be much more comfortable down here rather than navigating whatever piles of things Jared had in his own room (the fact that he couldn’t even  _ remember _ the current state of his room indicated that it probably wasn’t great, and certainly not fit to be seen by people).

“Pick whatever you wanna watch, I’ll go order the pizza,” Jared instructed, tossing the remote in Connor’s direction. “Or we’ve got DVDs, or whatever. I seriously don’t care. Cheese okay?”

Connor caught the remote with one hand and shot him a thumbs up with the other.

Jared tried not to think about the ease with which Connor had settled in the living room, when he didn’t think Connor had settled anywhere in his life. It was just another normal day, he reminded himself. He ordered pizza all the time. That’s all he was doing. Ordering a pizza. He could think about the creepy loser—who was maybe not so creepy and not such a loser—in his house later.

When he returned to the living room, the pizza forty minutes away, Connor was kneeling in front of the case of DVDs Jared had pointed out to him.

“Dude, it’s not life or death, just pick something,” Jared huffed, flopping down on the couch to wait.

Connor jumped a little bit at Jared’s sudden reappearance, but recovered quickly, turning around with an unopened case in his hand. “MarioKart?” he asked, raising an eyebrow in amusement.

“Oh, uh, yeah I think my aunt got me that or something? I haven’t, like, played it obviously, it’s—” God was this what it felt like to be Evan?

“I’ll play it with you,” Connor interrupted before he could dig himself too deep.

“You...really?”

“Sure. More fun to play with someone else, right?”

That much was definitely true, so Jared didn’t argue and got up to turn on the game.

As it turned out, neither of them were very good, and the competition turned out to be the two of them trying to mess each other up so as not to finish last. By the time the pizza arrived Jared thought he was starting to get the hang of it, or he would, if Connor would stop  _ kicking _ him like a child every time Jared started to get into a groove.

“You’re such a fucking asshole!” Jared screeched, batting at Connor’s foot that the other boy had draped over his lap. 

“Takes one to know one, dickhead,” Connor shot back, elbowing Jared’s controller while he tried to throw a red shell. 

They almost missed the doorbell ringing over the sounds of the game and their resulting shouts. Connor paused the game as Jared hopped up to grab a twenty from the kitchen. His parents probably wouldn’t notice, and they certainly wouldn’t care.

“Is this what you and Evan do?” Jared asked once they were settled again. He didn’t know where that question came from, nor did he know why he cared, but he had asked it, and now Connor was looking at him funny, like he was trying to figure out what Jared was getting at. Jared himself had no idea, so he would really appreciate any take Connor had.

“We do homework usually,” Connor replied slowly. “I get too distracted studying at the library or during lunch or whatever, so whenever you guys are done I go over to his and we work a little more. That way you don’t have to sit with him for too long and I can have some time to decompress after school.”

“That’s...was that Evan’s…?”

“My idea.”

Oh. “Why?”

“Everyone wins this way, huh?” Connor shrugged. “Evan gets to study enough to like, breathe, and he gets to hang out with both of us without us having to, yknow, spend that much time together.”

“If you hate me so much then why’d you call me tonight?” Jared huffed.

“I don’t hate you, what the fuck? I mean, yeah, you’re a dick, but I get it. You didn’t really sign up to hang out with the school freak.”

“I’m a dick to everyone,” Jared reminded him.

“So am I.”

“I don’t hate you either, I don’t think.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

Jared grabbed another piece of pizza and Connor selected the next race.

\--

The first day of their last semester, Jared considered staying home. Connor had ended up staying over that night, then coming back over the next evening for another round of pizza and MarioKart. Actually, he ended up seeing Connor almost every day the second week of break, and now he was a bit worried about re-entry. And Evan. 

He was very worried about Evan.

He actually hadn’t seen the other boy at all over winter break, which wasn’t unusual, but the fact that he hadn’t spent the entire two weeks locked in his room alone had him unsure how to proceed. Were they supposed to talk about it? Would Evan feel left out that they were hanging out without him? Would he be upset at Jared for stealing his friend? Would he leap up on the table and do a happy dance? Probably not the last one, Jared allowed, but who knows. Evan had been surprising him lately.

Which is why for the first ten minutes after he woke up, Jared just stared at his ceiling, running through a mental list of reasons why missing the first day would be a terrible idea. 

He didn’t see Connor or Evan before classes that morning, and Jared was prepared to just go through the day like normal. He waited in the lunch line for a slice of cardboard-tasting pizza (nowhere near as good as the pizza he had practically lived off of for the past week) and prepared to find an empty spot at the end of some table of non-threatening but vaguely-popular kids when he felt a sharp jerk on his backpack and almost dropped his lunch.

“Can I help you, asshole?” he huffed, knowing exactly who he would find when he turned around. 

Connor ignored his tone. “Come sit with Evan and I,” he said. It sounded like an offer, a suggestion, but Jared knew it was an instruction.

“Why?” he asked, just to be difficult.

“Because I’m asking you to, and because Evan would like it,” Connor replied easily, like he had expected Jared’s protest.

“I don’t actually think Evan cares,” Jared grumbled, just to have the last word, not because he believed it to be true. Evan could be accused of many things, but not caring certainly wasn’t one of them. Connor seemed to pick up on this too, because he just rolled his eyes and let Jared have it, turning around and leading the way to the corner where he and Evan seemed to have set up camp. Jared, for whatever reason, followed.

“Jared!” Evan exclaimed when he sat down, like Jared was the last person he expected to see here. Like he and Connor hadn’t probably spent the first ten minutes of the period discussing whether or not to invite him over.

Jared nodded in acknowledgment, biting into his lunch to avoid the obligation to say anything.

Connor looked at him in disgust. “What the fuck are you eating?”

“Pizza,” Jared replied, mouth full, which caused Evan to make a noise of protest.

“That’s not pizza, that’s flattened shit,” Connor scoffed.

“It’s also better than starving,” Jared shot back. “We don’t all have mommies that draw little hearts on our sandwich bag, dickhead.”

“Guys,” Evan tried.

Instead of responding, Connor flung something across the table at him, which hit Jared in the shoulder before falling onto the table in front of him.

“What the fuck?” he asked, picking up the bag, which contained a turkey sandwich on whole wheat bread.

“I have two. Eat it,” Connor instructed.

“Why?”

Connor rolled his eyes at Jared’s recurring question. “Because it’s good for you, and your lunch is gross.”

“Your lunch is gross,” Jared grumbled back, but he ate the sandwich anyways. Turkey wasn’t his favorite, but Connor was right. Jared hadn’t seen a vegetable in...well, he couldn’t actually remember when, which was a pretty good indication that it had been too long.

Evan blinked between the two of them in confusion. “What...just happened?” he asked. Jared shrugged. Connor rolled his eyes.

“Your friend is a dumbass who can’t take care of himself,” Connor informed him.

“Family friend,” Evan corrected at the same time as Jared grumbled, “took pretty good care of your emo ass.”

“I never said you didn’t,” Connor was looking directly at Jared in a way that unnerved him a bit. He wasn’t used to Connor interacting with him like this at school. The past week in his living room had been different. That was like...he knew Connor must have talked to Evan when they hung out, but he never noticed Connor say more than a few words at school, so Jared was a bit...confused, maybe, as to why Connor had suddenly found his voice now.

He and Connor weren’t friends, but then again he had never stopped to consider what hanging out with Connor would change. They had just...done it. Maybe that was the entire point, Jared hadn’t been preoccupied with what it meant that he was enjoying the other boy’s company, and as a result he had found himself actually relaxing into it and...enjoying himself. Was that what friends did? Jared wouldn’t know—not that he’d admit that—but it sure felt like it.

Huh. That would make Connor Murphy his friend. Weird. Jared didn’t know how he felt about that.

Actually, he felt pretty okay about it. And he didn’t know how to feel about  _ that _ .

Being a teenager was confusing as shit.

This time it was Jared who stayed quiet for the rest of the period, while Evan and Connor swapped stories about their time off—a lot had happened in Connor’s few hours that he’d spent at home, apparently. Jared felt weird. Not a bad weird, but he was way out of his element. Maybe it was just sitting somewhere else for lunch that was throwing him off, or maybe it was the way that he couldn’t stop watching Connor if he tried. He’d never seen Connor like this at school. This was the Connor he’d spent hours playing MarioKart with, but he’d never seen this person at school, even with Evan. Jared was pretty confident he wasn’t imagining it. It was just. Weird. He didn’t know how else to describe it.

It was entirely possible that Jared was thinking too much again.

“Jared?”

Clearly thinking too much.

“Huh?” he snapped back to attention at Evan’s voice.

“Connor’s coming over after school, if you wanted to stick around.”

“It’s the first day, we won’t even have homework.” Connor added. Jared looked between them, from Evan’s hopeful expression to Connor’s knowing one, and panicked. It was the way Connor looked at him, like he could tell exactly what was going through Jared’s mind, that made his skin crawl. Made him feel exposed. Yup, he had to get out of there.

“I can’t,” Jared replied quickly, standing up with his tray that still had the uneaten slice of pizza. “I have...plans. And I have to go.” He didn’t even bother with a real excuse as he retreated, heart pounding in his ears. The worst part wasn’t the look of disappointment on Evan’s face that made Jared feel like a terrible fucking human.

No, the worst part was that Connor’s expression hadn’t changed at all, like he had expected that exact reaction from Jared. He hated that Connor had him figured out. Hated it.

Hated that he really couldn’t hate Connor.

\--

“We’re coming to yours after school today, and you’re gonna hang out with us.”

“And a good day to you too, Murphy. Lovely weather we’re having,” Jared sighed as he slammed his locker shut. Evan had sort of stopped inviting Jared along again, and Jared...he didn’t mind. Well, he minded, but he knew it was his own fault so he had accepted it. Apparently, Connor hadn’t done the same.

“I’m serious, asshole, Evan misses you.”

“I see Evan,” Jared returned, which was mostly true. He still gave Evan (and sometimes Connor) rides home after school, and even sat with them at lunch a few more times, though he had started going to the computer lab to eat more and more often.

“I miss you.”

“Lame,” Jared shot back, turning so that Connor couldn’t see his face while he collected himself. God, how did Connor just say something like that so fucking  _ casually _ it’s like he was turning into Evan or some shit.

“We’re coming over after school today and you’re going to hang out with us,” Connor repeated. “Stop being a dick. You and I both know what you’re doing, and it doesn’t make you cool.”

“I could have plans tonight, you can’t just invite yourself over,” Jared shot back, and started walking towards his sixth period class. Connor followed. “And who ever said anything about being cool?”

“You don’t have plans, you never do, and whatever weird shit you do on your computer doesn’t count,” Connor returned. “Stop deflecting,  _ god _ you’re the most infuriating human ever to live.”

“Then why the fuck are you so eager to hang out with me?”

“The hell if I know,” Connor grumbled. “Meet at your car after school.” It wasn’t a question. Connor had a way of saying things that sounded like he was being polite when he was actually being a demanding asshole.

“Maybe,” Jared allowed, but Connor was gone again, not allowing Jared to have the last word. Like he knew all of Jared’s buttons and exactly when to push them. Smug bastard.

Just as promised, Connor was already leaning against the passenger’s door when Jared got to his car after school.

“I’ll run you over,” Jared grumbled, unlocking the door and getting into the driver’s seat. Connor climbed in next to him. “Where’s Evan?”

“He’s coming, I dunno, I ditched this afternoon,” Connor shrugged.

“Aren’t your parents going to be pissed?”

“Probably.”

“Are you high?”

“Very much so.”

“Evan’s going to freak.”

“Yup.”

“You’re an asshole.”

“Takes one to know one.”

“Get a better comeback,” Jared huffed, finally laying eyes on the third member of their group. He tapped the horn and laughed when Evan jumped, and Connor smacked the side of his head.

Jared’s house was empty, as per usual, when they pulled into the driveway. Connor swiped the keys from Jared’s hand as soon as they were out of the ignition and took the liberty of leading the trio into the house like he had been here a dozen times before. Close enough, maybe, but he certainly displayed a sharp contrast to Evan, who looked like the walls might try to bite him if he stepped wrong. Evan had been here way more times than Connor had.

“Do you have food?” Connor called, already in the kitchen while Jared dropped his backpack at the base of the stairs.

“Figure it out yourself, dickhead,” Jared called back.

“Be nice!” Evan hissed, leaving his own bag with Jared’s and following him to the couch.

“I’m plenty nice,” Jared retorted. “He’s the one snooping through my house like a weirdo.”

“Connor, it’s not polite—”

“Oh my  _ god _ , I was  _ kidding _ ,” Jared cut him off. “I could care less what he does. He knows where things are.”

Evan looked at him curiously. “Connor said you two hung out over winter break.”

Jared tensed, defensive. “Yeah? So?”

Evan shrugged, speaking slowly, like he thought that Jared would shut down if given too many words at once. “Nothing. Just glad you two are friends.”

“We’re not friends,” Jared corrected immediately. Instinctively.

“Oh,” Evan looked down at his hands, playing with the edge of his shirt, disappointed. Jared was used to that. “Okay. Just thought it was nice.”

“It’s whatever,” Jared dismissed, at the same time as Connor yelled from the kitchen, “The fuck don’t you have any food, Kleinman?”

“Why do you think we ordered pizza every day, dumbass?” Jared shouted back. “My mom hasn’t been to the grocery store yet.”

“Where are your parents, anyways?” Connor asked, appearing in the doorway with a half-empty bag of potato chips.

“Honestly? No clue,” Jared shrugged. “My dad’s on a business trip I think? Maybe my mom went to visit him for the weekend. I think she was here on Wednesday, but I haven’t seen her since.”

“What must that be like?” Connor grumbled, sprawling his long limbs across the floor in front of the couch. Jared didn’t bother resisting the urge to kick him.

“It’s pretty nice, actually,” Jared replied.

“That sounds terrible,” Evan argued.

“That’s just because you like your mom,” Jared countered. “Which is understandable. Your mom is cool. My parents are just. Parents.”

“Yup,” Connor agreed through a mouthful of chips. “S’why I’m moving in here.”

“Like hell you are,” Jared huffed, reaching down to yank the chips away from Connor to take a handful for himself. “The only way I can tolerate you is in small doses. I’d kill you by the end of day one.”

“You try, I’ll kick your ass.”

“Is that a threat or a promise?”

“You’ll just have to wait and see, won’t you,” Connor winked, and Jared pretended to gag.

“You’re even weirder when you’re high.”

“Wait, y-you’re high?” Evan asked, voice filled with concern. Jared and Connor made eye contact and burst into laughter.

“I was wondering how long it would take you to notice,” Jared cackled, throwing the chips back at the boy on the floor. “He ditched the second half of the day like the good little rebel he is.”

“Like you’ve never ditched before,” Connor huffed as the bag hit him in the face.

“No, actually. Perfect attendance  _ baybee _ ,” Jared replied proudly, shooting finger guns at Connor.

“You’re such a fucking nerd oh my  _ god _ ,” Connor groaned. “How do you get less cool the more I get to know you? Isn’t it supposed to be the other way around?”

“All part of my charm,” Jared replied.

“I think you’re cool, Jared,” Evan cut in.

“It’s not nice to lie, Evan,” Connor admonished. “Jared is easily the least cool person I’ve ever met. Present company included.”

“Just because you dress like a fucking vampire doesn’t make you cool, dickhead,” Jared retorted. “I’m way cooler than you are.”

“It’s not a competition!” Evan tried again, but his words fell on deaf ears as Connor sat up to smirk at Jared.

“Do you really wanna go there?” he asked. “Do you  _ really _ wanna go there?”

“It’s fine with me,” Jared replied. “I understand if your ego can’t take it though.”

“My ego is just fine, thank you.”

“Not when I’m through with you.”

“I’d really like to see you try.”

“I will fucking destroy you, Murphy, don’t even test me.”

“Test, test, test,” Connor poked irritatingly at Jared’s foot.

“Guys,  _ please _ cut it out?” Evan interrupted again, his frantic tone successfully getting the other two’s attention.

“Relax, Ev, we’re just kidding,” Jared assured him. “I won’t  _ actually  _ murder him unless he deserves it.”

“Speak for yourself,” Connor scoffed. “I’d trade you to satan for one corn chip.”

“See? Right there. You just proved my point. That is literally a meme from tumblr. Which means you spend enough time on tumblr to remember such things. Which is pretty damn lame,” Jared asserted.

“Except that apparently you  _ also _ spend enough time on tumblr to know where that comes from, so that makes you just as lame as me,” Connor smirked. Jared narrowed his eyes and Connor glared back, challenging. 

They fell quiet as they eyed each other, daring the other to break first. Jared could practically feel the nervous energy radiating from Evan, and chose to focus on that instead of addressing the...other energy. That he didn’t particularly care to address. So with a sigh, Jared deflated.

“I guess I can accept that,” he allowed, breaking their stare-off. Evan relaxed perceptibly.

“Guess we’re all pretty lame,” Connor decided, flopping backwards onto the floor again and pouting when he accidentally crushed the chips with his shoulder. Jared laughed so hard he nearly pissed himself.

\--

Jared had learned that it was pretty difficult to avoid people when said people literally sought him out wherever he was.

Honestly, Jared didn’t actually know why he was trying to avoid Connor and Evan—he had accepted that he didn’t dislike their company—but it wasn’t like it was doing much good anyways. It seemed like nowhere was safe. Before school, after school, during lunch, hell Connor had even found him during study hall one day when Jared knew for a fact the other boy should have been in econ.

He protested, but they all knew it was half-hearted at best. These were his friends now. Connor fucking Murphy of all people was his friend. Life could be weird as shit.

At least now whenever his parents asked him what he had been up to since they’d last spoken—clearly they were more than ready to be empty-nesters—Jared didn’t have to make up some bullshit about honing his computer programming skills for college. Plus, he had finally called it quits on trying to hack governmental programs. Clearly the people who set up those firewalls knew what they were doing.

While Connor hadn’t exactly followed through on his threat to move in, he did end up at Jared’s more weekends than not. Evan joined them sometimes too, when his mom was working extra shifts, and Jared knew it pleased her to no end knowing that Evan wasn’t spending those hours alone on his computer. Peace and quiet felt like a distant memory these days, but Jared didn’t mind it as much as he thought he would. 

Actually, it was pretty nice having people around sometimes. Like, he knew his parents loved him, but being around people every day who actually showed that they gave a shit was something Jared hadn’t even realized he’d been lacking until suddenly they were right  _ there _ .

Jared had gotten his college acceptance letter—the one he  _ really _ cared about—while Connor and Evan were playing MarioKart in the living room. He’d gotten up to grab some sodas from the kitchen when he noticed the envelope addressed to him sitting out on the counter, where his mom had clearly left it for him to see. Jared didn’t know what sound he made, but apparently it had been loud enough for the other two to stop their game and rush into the kitchen.

“What is it? What’s wrong?” Evan asked, panic creeping into his voice. Jared couldn’t even reassure him as his eyes darted over the paper clutched in his shaky hands. Reading and rereading, like he expected the words to change.

Connor snapped his fingers a few inches from Jared’s face, finally startling him back into the real world. 

“Dude? You good?”

“I...um...I got into MIT?”

A beat of silence.

Jared didn’t know who moved first but suddenly his feet had been lifted off the ground as his friends swarmed him, their shouts—and maybe his own?—overlapping until Jared’s brain couldn’t process any of it.

“ _ Holy fuck holy fuck holy fuck holy fuck _ ,” someone was chanting in his ear and that was definitely Connor swinging him in circles and Evan was possibly crying or actually it might have been Jared who was crying, he couldn’t tell and he honestly didn’t care at this point because  _ god _ it had been awhile since Jared had felt this good about himself.

He was being hugged from both sides and yup he was definitely the one crying (though he was fairly certain Evan was getting emotional too) and his feet still weren’t touching the floor because his friends were  _ giants _ and it was  _ amazing _ .

Evan was the first one asleep that night, lying on top of his usual blanket nest on the living room floor while Jared and Connor spread out on the couch, the first Captain America movie playing quietly on the TV. Connor was reading something on his phone—and refused to tell Jared what it was—while Jared messed around on his computer. His mind was still too foggy to do much of anything productive, but the familiar click of the keys was comforting so he tapped away absently. 

When he glanced up again, Connor was looking at him, expression as even as ever. Jared tilted his head in question and Connor shrugged in return, the corner of his mouth quirking into a half-smile. They didn’t talk much, they really didn’t need to. He and Connor could banter and jab like anything, but when it came to serious conversations they both tended to...not. So they didn’t. There was no pressure to. That was why they got along, Jared thought. They got each other.

The movie continued to play and Evan continued to snore as the remaining boys grew tired. Connor had slid down to his side at some point, toes poking at Jared’s thigh as an indication that he was close to sleep too. This was how it went here. Evan on the floor, Connor on the couch, and Jared in his bed. They had a routine. Jared knew they all liked routine. That was also something they had in common.

Eventually, Jared shut his laptop, nudging Connor’s feet—which had by now made their way fully onto Jared’s lap—to the side so he could stand. Connor grumbled a bit in response, already half asleep, and Jared rolled his eyes as he pulled the blanket off the back of the couch to throw at him.

“You’re gonna get cold, dumbass,” he warned, and Connor sat up just enough to glare as he covered his long limbs with the Star Wars themed blanket that Jared had had since he was ten. It was basically Connor’s at this point, though, since he was the one who used it.

Jared turned off the TV as he crept towards the stairs, careful as always not to trip over Evan (he had roughly an eighty percent success rate) as Connor got settled. Playing host used to stress him out, because he never knew what to do, or when it was acceptable to leave, or what he needed to offer before going to be himself. Now, though, both Connor and Evan had spent the night so many times that they could practically host themselves. Even Evan, who would sooner walk through a desert than ask for something he needed, had reached the point where he could help himself to a glass of water without it being offered. Jared considered that pretty good progress.

Just as he was about to turn the corner, he heard Connor shifting on the couch again, turning over to face the dim patch of light coming from the upstairs hall.

“I’m really fucking proud of you, just so you know,” he whispered. Jared rolled his eyes, thankful for the darkness and its ability to hide the heat that came rushing to his cheeks for some reason.

“Lame,” Jared scoffed, tone barely masking the smile that was threatening to reveal just how good it felt to hear Connor’s words. “Night, dickhead.”

“Night, fuckface,” Connor shot back, the couch rustling again as he rolled back onto his side to sleep.

If Jared carried that smile all the way up to his room, no one was around to know.

\--

The thing about getting into his dream school, was that that’s when everything got real. The semester was more than half over, there were only two months left in the school year, and then that was it. As it turned out, applying to college had been the easy part. Because now, Jared was faced with the reality of  _ going _ to college.

Which also meant leaving this.

A year ago, Jared had had nothing he cared about losing. He had no real friends—he had Evan, but things had been different back then—his parents had checked out, he had no connection to this town or this school or anything else about his childhood. College had been this new and exciting thing, it had been the  _ next _ that Jared had been anticipating since almost the beginning of high school.

But now, as much as he resisted admitting it out loud, Jared had something he didn’t want to lose. Two somethings, actually. In the form of two best friends. Who would not be attending MIT.

Evan had already decided on community college to try to save some money before enrolling in a four year program, and Connor planned on taking a gap year to get his head on straight or whatever the fuck he thought he needed to do before continuing his education. So while Connor and Evan were going to spend at least the next year here together, Jared was going to be hundreds of miles away, where he would be back to square one. 

It was all more than a little daunting.

But admitting that would mean admitting that he actually liked spending time with his friends, admitting that he considered the other two boys his best friends, and no way was he going to do that. Not out loud, at least.

Besides, he  _ wanted _ to go to college. He wanted to get out of this crappy little town and see the world. He wanted change, he wanted something new, new experiences. He wanted to be challenged. The absolute last thing he wanted was to stay here a day longer than absolutely necessary, and nothing would change his mind about that. Staying wasn’t even on his radar, really. It was just...tough to think about.

What he really wanted was to pack the other two in his suitcases and have them live in his dorm room and watch shitty superhero movies and play MarioKart and burn popcorn and order excessive amounts of pizza with them whenever he wanted. He’d joked about it to Connor once, who had pointed out that of the three of them, Jared was probably the only one who could actually fit inside a suitcase, and Jared had punched him and that had been the end of that.

But that didn’t stop the twinge of anxiety every time he got an email to enroll in something or other. Housing, classes, financial aid—it felt like something new every day. And every time, it just felt like one more reminder of everything he was about to face. Jared liked routine. They had a routine. Evan and Connor got to keep their routine. Jared would have to find a new one. Did people have routines in college? Was that even possible? That was the thing with change. He didn’t know what to expect.

He put on a brave face—or a cocky smirk, in his case—whenever someone asked him about it, whenever his mom started retelling stories of her own college days, whenever teachers would stop him in the hall to congratulate him, but every time he was left alone with his thoughts all he could think about were all the ways he wasn’t ready for this.

As much as it pained him to admit it, Evan made it worse sometimes. Because Evan wasn’t afraid to say that he was going to miss Jared, that he didn’t want things to change, and Jared was used to being a crappy friend but he couldn’t help feeling like he was letting Evan down. He knew Evan was happy for him, because the other boy had also expressed that at every possible opportunity, but Jared was all too aware that he was the reason that their trio was going to fall apart and it made him feel guilty. 

Connor, though, was the one person who never even mentioned it. After that first night, it was as if Connor had started pretending it wasn’t happening. Jared couldn’t tell if the other boy was in denial, or if he was genuinely that unfazed by Jared’s impending departure. Jared didn’t know which one he preferred.

But it meant that Connor had gotten quiet again, like back in December. He and Jared still hung out, and he acted like everything was normal, but whenever it was the three of them, Connor had reverted to taking a backseat to Evan’s babbling and Jared’s venting and the occasional awkward silence that one of the other boys would feel compelled to fill.

It felt different already, and Jared didn’t like it. He hated the thought of his friends—the only real friends he had ever had—resenting him. It was almost enough to make him reconsider.

That was a lie, it was definitely enough to make him reconsider. He was scared, and while fear wasn’t the best reason to make a decision, it had been the motivator behind most of what Jared had done in his life, so why should this be any different? He’d gotten into a lot of schools, many closer to home. He could take a gap year, he could go to community college like Evan. He didn’t  _ have  _ to go to MIT.

He put off the decision as long as he could. The May first deadline was looming, the moment where Jared would have to officially sign on the dotted line, so to speak. He had dozens of emails by this point, reminding him, practically taunting him.  _ Remember me? It’s your future! The decision that will change everything! Don’t you want to change everything? _

He most certainly did not.

He looked through the emails almost daily. A form of turture, he supposed. He had always been good at torturing himself.  _ Your future awaits you! _ What the fuck was that even supposed to mean? 

“Whatcha up to?” a voice from behind him had him jumping ten feet in the air.

“Jesus  _ fuck  _ Connor how the hell did you even get in here?” Jared huffed, closing out of his browser, even though he was sure Connor had seen it anyways.

“Garage code,” Connor said simply. Jared had never actually given him the garage code, but he chose not to be surprised that Connor somehow knew it anyways. “You didn’t answer the question.”

“College stuff. What do you want?”

“Got bored, decided to come bug you. What college stuff?”

“Your very existence bugs me, you don’t need to come all the way over here to do that,” Jared grumbled, leading the way to the living room.

“It’s more fun this way,” Connor replied, picking up a game controller while Jared turned the system on. “What college stuff?” he repeated.

“Why the fuck does it matter?” Jared snapped, turning to him with a glare. Connor’s expression turned worried.

“I thought you’d wanna talk about it. I thought you were excited. Sorry.”

Jared sighed, joining the other boy on the couch.

“I was. I am. I...I dunno, just having second thoughts, I guess,” he admitted.

Connor’s head snapped up to look at him. “What the  _ fuck _ does that mean?” he asked. “You’re going, right?”

“So eager to get rid of me, Murphy?” Jared smirked. “I’m...yeah, no, I don’t know. It’s just really far away, y’know? And I’ve got other options I’m weighing still. I mean, it’s a good school but that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s right for me.”

“Hmm nope try again,” Connor replied, scrolling through the characters even though they both knew he was going to settle on Luigi. 

“The fuck does that mean?”

“Means that’s bullshit and not at all why you’re having second thoughts. Try again.”

“Maybe I don’t want to talk about it,” Jared huffed.

“Maybe I don’t care.”

“Since when do you want to talk about anything?”

“Since clearly something is bothering you and you’re not going to talk to Evan about it and you have no other options.”

“Okay then, if you apparently know me so well then what’s bothering me?”

“Nope. You gotta say it.”

“And if I don’t?”

Connor snatched the controller from Jared’s hands, looking at him expectantly.

“You guys are staying here,” Jared sighed finally. “And I know I’m not supposed to make decisions based on people I know in high school, but you and Evan are gonna get to keep doing...this,” he gestured around them, “while I’m off somewhere doing fuck knows what with no friends again, and part of me feels like I’m letting you guys down by leaving. But part of me also feels like you guys won’t even notice I’m gone. So yeah, sorry if I’m not fucking jumping for joy at the prospect of leaving,” he finished with a huff, yanking his controlled back from Connor’s loose grip.

They fell silent as Jared customized Peach’s car (“because she’s a fucking badass,” he would always proclaim), the quiet click of the controller the only sounds disturbing the room.

“I don’t even know where to begin with how fucking wrong that all is,” Connor finally said, slowly, deliberately. “Letting us down? Dude, you’re like...actually going and having a future. At something you’re  _ good _ at. Something you love. Do you know how impressive that is? Like, holy shit, Jare. You should  _ know _ that I’m insanely proud of you. Because I’ve  _ told  _ you. And I don’t say that lightly. You know I wouldn’t say shit just to spare your feelings, or whatever. You belong there, and you know that as well as I do. And as for the second thing,” he hit pause so that Jared would stop scrolling through tracks and look at him, “I’m not gonna speak for Evan, but of course I’m gonna fucking miss you like crazy. You’re...you’re my best friend. It’s gonna suck not having anyone to come deal with my bullshit at two in the morning. But you going off to school isn’t gonna change that, y’know? We’ll still talk, and you’ll come home for breaks and stuff. Maybe I’ll try to convince Larry and Cynthia to let me drive again so I can come bother you during exams or something. Just because we don’t see you every day doesn’t mean we’re just gonna forget about you.”

There were about a hundred things Jared could say to that.  _ Dude, that’s so gay _ , came to mind, but it felt too predictable, and way too inappropriate, even for Jared. Other contenders were  _ you don’t have to visit if you don’t want to, sounds like someone’s jealous,  _ and a simple  _ thanks _ .

What he ultimately settled on was a quiet, “I’m your best friend?”

Connor laughed softly. “Don’t tell Evan. But I mean, you don’t see me dropping by his house on a Saturday afternoon for no reason. Yeah Jared, you’re my best friend. Somehow.”

Somehow.

He could probably point to quite a few moments over the past months if he wanted to identify just when that had happened, but he’d been too busy pretending not to care, just like he always did. He and Connor had that in common too, Jared supposed. Pretending not to care had probably allowed them to become close to begin with. It made things less complicated, that they could just do this without talking about it. If they acted like it wasn’t a big deal, then it wasn’t.

And somehow, somewhere along the line. “You’re my best friend, too,” Jared admitted. It was a pretty big fucking deal.

“Good,” Connor nodded, turning back to the TV. He was trying to seem disinterested, like it didn’t matter to him whether or not Jared returned his sentiment, but Jared could see the hint of a smile on the other boy’s face.

When Connor left that night, Jared finally submitted his enrollment forms to MIT.

\--

Still, Jared didn’t feel the excitement leading up to graduation that the rest of his classmates seemed to. For one, they still had AP tests and finals to go, and Jared felt significantly more pressure to perform this time than he had at the end of previous semesters. He had mostly slid through school under the radar, and he preferred it that way. Except now he was the guy going to MIT, which meant people expected things from him. Expected him to be impressive, or whatever. Jared had never really considered himself impressive before.

So instead of sitting in the library with Evan, Jared holed himself up in his room after school every day. Evan and Connor hung out downstairs some day, conversing with Jared’s mom when she was around, studying, and ready to provide distractions when he needed breaks and to remind him to eat dinner. For about three weeks Jared survived on coffee and energy drinks and the occasional caffeine supplements that Connor had given him and Evan had tried to hide as he read every page of every textbook from the year, cramming every bit of information he could into his head.

Finally, though, it was the second week of May and Jared turned in his last exam and nearly collapsed on the pavement outside the building. That was it. Everything. High school. Just like that. All that was left was to walk across the stage and receive his diploma tomorrow. The work was over, but Jared hardly felt relieved. Three months.

Connor and Evan were both waiting when he made it out to his car, and Jared sighed. 

“You guys are gonna have to hope I stay awake long enough to get us home,” he warned, unlocking the car with shaky hands. Maybe no more caffeine for awhile.

“Connor actually had another idea,” Evan informed him as he got into the back seat. Jared couldn’t remember when it was that the other two had switched positions in the car. He thought back to the first day of school, when Connor had silently trailed Evan out of the building and slumped in the seat behind him for the duration of the ride back to Evan’s house. He realized he still never actually asked how that happened, but Jared didn’t think it mattered so much now. Connor and Evan had their turning point, just like he and Connor had had theirs. They had gotten here, one way or another.

“You up for a bit of a drive?” Connor asked. Jared studied him for a moment, and Connor studied him right back. Jared knew he could say no, that Connor would understand and wouldn’t push it, and they could try again another day. But this was their last day together as high schoolers and Jared was curious.

“Why not,” he replied, shoving the key into the ignition. “Tell me where to go.”

Jared followed Connor’s directions as they drove out of town. The further they got, he started to vaguely recognize the road as where the two of them had ended up on their first late night drive, and Jared knew exactly where Connor was taking them.

Sure enough, the other boy directed him to pull over in front of a closed gate just off the highway, one that looked as though it hadn’t been opened in a long time.

“Where are we?” Evan asked nervously. “Are we allowed to be here?”

“It’s fine,” Jared replied, and Connor looked at him with amusement.

“Yeah, I come here all the time,” he confirmed. “Come on.”

They all got out and Jared locked the car behind them as Connor demonstrated how to climb over the fence.

“I’m barely standing upright as it is how the fuck do you expect me to do that?” Jared whined.

“I’ve got you,” Connor assured him. “You’re probably too short to do it yourself anyways.”

“Oh fuck you all the way to hell, Murphy,” Jared snapped, but because he truly was a level of exhausted he hadn’t known was possible, Jared let Connor give him a boost over the chainlink fence. Evan climbed it himself with ease, of course. “I hate you both,” Jared informed them.

“You would be lost without us,” Connor shot back.

“Now what?” Evan interrupted. He had mostly grown used to their banter—it was the primary way Jared and Connor communicated most of the time—but he still tended to step in before they could get caught in a cycle of insults, if for no other reason than the two of them could go on for ages and completely forget anything else they were supposed to be doing.

Connor shrugged. “Honestly? Walk through the trees. Sit in the grass. Breathe the fresh air. It’s an abandoned orchard, it doesn’t really have any special powers or anything. It’s just peaceful here. Thought we could use some peaceful.” Before everything changes, was what he left unsaid.

“Are the trees sturdy enough to climb?” Evan asked, walking ahead of them and looking around the old orchard in awe.

“You’re the tree expert, you tell me,” Connor responded, but Evan hadn’t even waited that long before grabbing hold of a low-hanging branch and pulling himself into one of the trees.

“Evan I swear to god if you fall and break something again your mom is gonna kill me, and I will kill you first,” Jared threatened. Evan just stuck his tongue out at him in response as he climbed higher.

With a groan, Jared flopped backwards onto the dry grass, squeezing his eyes shut against the afternoon sun. He heard a rustling beside him as another body joined him on the ground, lying close enough that Jared could practically feel the heat radiating from the other boy’s arm.

“So this was your brilliant plan?” Jared asked after a moment, opening his eyes and turning his head to the side. Connor mirrored his position.

He had pulled his hair up into a bun at some point, Jared noticed, probably to get it out of the way when he climbed the gate. He’d started doing that more recently, like his long hair was some sort of armor meant to protect him from the outside world that he no longer needed when it was just the three of them alone. Jared might have been reading into it too much, but it filled him with warmth all the same whenever Connor pulled his hair back.

“No brilliant plan,” Connor admitted. “I just...I dunno, I wanted to share this place with you. It’s been awhile since I’ve been here, but it used to be pretty special to me, I guess. Wouldn’t have felt right sending you out into the world without you seeing it too. And I figured Evan would nut at all the trees and shit.”

“Clearly,” Jared huffed fondly. He couldn’t see the other boy from where they were lying now, but he figured the fact that they hadn’t heard a thump meant that Evan was still enjoying himself.

“My family used to come here before everything went to shit,” Connor went on, tilting his head back towards the sky again, but Jared kept watching him as he spoke. “It was always a lot of fun. I dunno. I guess I keep coming here hoping that as long as I keep remembering how it used to be, I’ll be able to get back there. Or something. It’s dumb.”

“It’s not dumb at all,” Jared assured him quickly. “Makes total sense, actually.”

“For whatever it’s worth, I think I’m almost there sometimes.”

“There?”

When Connor turned to answer again, Jared nearly had the wind knocked out of him by the openness in Connor’s expression. That wasn’t what they did. Even their moments of honesty were always shrouded by that vague feeling of  _ just kidding _ , like either of them could pull it back whenever they needed to. But there wasn’t an ounce of irony in Connor’s expression. This time, there would be no pulling back.

“This last year has been the happiest I’ve been in a really fucking long time. You’ve been like...amazing. Evan too, obviously but. I’m just really glad we met. And actually got to know each other.”

“Me too,” Jared agreed, trying to convey as much honesty in his own tone as he heard in the other boy’s. “I honestly had no idea how much I needed someone like you until you were sitting on my couch and eating my food without being invited over.”

“Greatest friend in the world,” Connor smiled, but it wasn’t the smirk Jared would have expected to come with such a statement. It was a happy smile, one that took over his entire face. Not a trace of sarcasm or bitterness, just fondness and joy and Jared still hadn’t caught his breath. He might never, at this rate.

“Yeah, you’re pretty fucking great,” he whispered, and Connor’s grin somehow widened even more.

“Guys! Up here!” Evan’s voice broke the moment as they both turned their heads toward the sound of his shouts.

“How’s the weather up there?” Connor called back, as they spotted the flash of his blue polo--the same one he’d been wearing that first day, now that Jared thought about it--near the top of the tree they had seen him start climbing a few minutes ago. Evan just waved back and shot them a thumbs up before disappearing again into the branches.

“I swear to god if he falls I’ll kill him,” Jared grumbled again, and Connor laughed out loud.

“I’ll help you hide the body,” he promised.

“Gee, I’m so lucky,” Jared shot back, but he found he really, truly meant it. Connor seemed to understand that too.

Jared closed his eyes again, letting a deep breath fill his lungs with the peace and contentment surrounding him. It had been a long time since Jared had allowed himself to just  _ be _ , he had almost forgotten what it was like not to care about things for a little while. Nothing mattered--not graduation, not college, not overbearing families or douchey classmates--outside of their little bubble. 

Connor shifted closer, bumping their shoulders together and brushing the back of his hand against Jared’s. Jared leaned into the touch. Everything felt good, right. They stayed there in silence, the only sounds the wind rustling through the branches and the occasional laugh from Evan somewhere amongst the trees. There was so much still to say, but they didn’t need to say any of it. That was the thing with Connor and Jared. They could talk and bicker like there was no tomorrow, but when it came down to it, they didn’t need words to understand each other. They just did.

And they did.

**Author's Note:**

> yeah jared isn't great at picking up on signals but connor is def crushing hard and jared is starting to get there...tbh I have way more of this story (like. probably could do another 15k tbh) in my head if anyone is interested in when/how they actually get together ;)
> 
> if you feel so inclined, come talk to me over on tumblr @starz-in-our-eyes or on twitter @starzinoureyes!
> 
> pirefoxx, i had so much fun writing this, so i really hope you enjoyed reading it!


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